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01/30/2007

Comments

RPM

Do you want it or not.

I love that, You're strength ooozes from this post.

Mathilde

I never suffer more than a week either. By day three or four, you start coughing up all that crap that's in your lungs. You feel too damn sick to smoke then, and by day 6 you're over it. If I can make it a week, I can make ten.

I just want to know why I keep coming back, two or three years later.

Holly


Thank you. This is as much admonishment to myself as to anyone. I read a post on Quitnet (a gem among, well, gravelly little things) that pretty much said (to me) "Look, cut the crap. Do it or don't do it. Do you really want to do it? Or do you just want to whine about knowing how maybe you should do it, some day, and you know how bad it is for you, and..." It all boiled down to committment.


Holly

If you figure that out, let me know. And let's try to figure it out in the next year or so, so I'm prepared. I made it through the six-week-monster-craving-from-out-of-the-blue. (Funny how that hits me, reliably, every time.) Now, I think I'm certainly good for a year or two - but yes, what is it? I think maybe we get complacent. We're no longer on guard. Seems like the thing to do at the time - either a little social smoke or we're stressed or whatever - and wham. There we are again. I think it's a little like being an alcoholic. Thank G-d I'm not.

Bee

[this is good] CONGRATS!!!  I only wish I could get my parents and sister to quit!  

Holly

That's just it, you know. You can't. They have to decide it's time, and they'll do that - when (and if) they're damned good and ready. My husband's a patient man. I've quit three times during our marriage. He doesn't smoke it and has never liked it that I do, but he has always understood that it would be counterproductive to his cause to try to twist my arm. The less said, the better. (That is, when dealing with adults. Maybe when dealing with young, impressionable kids, other approaches stand a chance. But I doubt that, too, to be honest. Better: Given them the factual pros and cons and let them make informed choices, at least. Tell them why YOU choose not to smoke, but don't make it even more attractive by making it TABOO at that age where rebellion is such a draw.)

Something Else

[ﻩﺫﺍ ﻩﻭ ﺎﻠﺤﻜﻣ] I quit long ago.  I wish I'd thought to call someone an "incompetent cow" (then - or - ever!) because it sure was fun to read!!!!!  Thanks for the laugh (even if you didn't mean to.  Accidental laughter can be some of the best.).

undertow

I've been quit for over four years now. I was never a steady smoker but more of an on and off type smoker. Nicotine is probably the most evil substance ever. I say that with some frivolity but even today there are times when I find myself in either a stressful or social situation where I want a smoke.

Maybe it's my misanthropy talking but how many other creatures on this earth are as willfully self destructive as we humans?

Mathilde

You know what I think. I think when we fail, we replay all those scripts of how we were never good enough anyway so why bother? Instead of forgiving ourselves and walking away, we throw ourselves off the wagon. It's unnecessary, but we seem to do it anyway.

Lokii


cd ~/holly 

wine ./smarmy_congratulations.exe





init ./backpatt.ing








^_^

Holly

::hesitates to admit to any intentional humor here, if accidental is the best kind; then again, if we can't laugh at ourselves...::

Okay, sure, we can laugh at everyone else.

Something else? Feel free to use the term "incompetent cow" next time it occurs to you. I find it cathartic. And it's really much more accurate and satisfying than "idiot asshole." You're a grown woman; you do not need quitting smoking, PMS, or any other excuse. "You just got on my last nerve, you incompetent cow!" should do nicely.

undertow, my uncle quit when I was a toddler. To this day, he'll walk by someone smoking, inhale deeply, and smile with pleasure. (See, I find the hypocrites the worst to deal with. He's honest; he still wants one, but he's strong enough to resist temptation. The "rabid ex-smokers"? I'm convinced they're like men who insist women should be covered head to toe because G-d made them SUCH a temptation those men just cannot be expected to behave themselves - and therefore BLAME the women for their weakness. Gimme a break!)

Mathilde, you're absolutely right. What's in the past stays in the past, just like Vegas. We need to let it go. Today's a new day. Throw out the old scripts and write new ones. That's really the key to changing bad habits and developing new ones - write new scripts.

Mr. Lokii, what am I going to do with you? I can't throw things that far, and you know it. (But there's enough redeeming humor in that, I can't help but laugh and say "Thank you.")

 

RedScylla

As someone who's violenty allergic to nicotine, I get a lot of mileage on righteous indignation :o)  And I'm proof that no one quits for others.  My husband is an on-again off-again smoker, and he can't completely stop, even knowing that the smell of cigarette smoke in his nose hairs is enough to make me gag.  (For real, my people, he'll sneak home and shower, brush his teeth, but I can still smell the smoke when he exhales.)

Holly

But you still stay married to him? :) That counts for a lot. I was reading a poll on the NaNo boards months ago; apparently, a lot of folks would rather be married to someone who cheats on them, or has been convicted of a felony.

WTF? People, people - wise up. Smoking's bad, but so is having a really skewed and bizarre set of priorities in life.

Lokii

Married to a felon? :)


Holly

Now there's a woman who does not understand the meaning of the word "Narcissist" (Or "irony," apparently.) There are people whose lack of brain-power is simply annoying; a few, though, you just want to reach out and...smack.

No, no wait - educate. That's it. E-D-U-C-A-T-E.

No, scratch that - I said what I meant the first time. (Mind you, I don't "hate on" anyone - that just sounds entirely too intimate. Love on, hate on...probably the same thing in this woman's book.)

RedScylla

I maintain hope that someday he's going to seriously realize that it's not good for him.  Instead of his current levels of realization that follow me giving him the sad-and-very-disappointed look.  He'll quit for a month or so and then, next thing I know, there's a lighter in his coat pocket and he comes to bed with sneaky whiff of smoke on him.  Then the look, then the quitting, then the sneaky smoking.

Holly

Redzilla, far be it from me to analyze your husband. :) But it does sound like he'd like to quit for you. He just...can't. And the "sneaky" smoking? Well...be glad that's probably all the man sneaks. (For my grandfather, it was high sodium, high fat deli sandwiches brought to him by his secretary, at the office, after open-heart surgery. For some men, G-d help their wives, it's other women.) You have to remove that last bit of rebellion from the equation. Stop with the look. Tell him very directly - ONE TIME - that you'd love for him to quit, because you'd like for him to be around to share old age with you. Remind him that you're planning to live to be very old, and that even healthy men just don't have a woman's long life-expectancy. Tell him it would pain you to no end to have to "break in a new model," but that you don't think you're cut out to grow old a widow with no man for companionship. Give him a long, lingering, sexy kiss. (And don't withhold them unreasonably, ever - just make sure he knows what he might be losing decades OF.) Then drop it. 'Cause "the look" just fuels any lingering need to rebel and sneak and do things that make us feel guilty. It took 23 years of marriage for my husband's approach to win out over the rebellion factor (and I could always tell myself I just wanted to SHORTEN my life expectancy to match his).

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